Friday, March 13, 2009

Can you say, "Spousal Immunity?"

I knew you could.

Closing the Books on Another Communist Atrocity

DNA proves Bolsheviks killed all of Russian czar's children. DNA evidence confirms scientists' 2008 findings that skeletal remains unearthed in 2007 are those of the two missing children of Czar Nicholas II: 13-year-old Crown Prince Alexei, the emperor's only son and heir to the throne, and his sister Grand Duchess Maria, about 19.

The Black Book of Communism really does belong on every thinking person's bookshelf. Amazingly, even as we continue to track down the lowliest Nazi concentration camp guards, Communist butchers continue to get a free pass.

Astonishing New Discovery!

Saws cut!

A Maryland woman was seriously injured when her partner used a reciprocating saw as a sex toy.

Maybe I can get a federal grant to study this previously unknown phenomenon.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Candidate for Surgeon General

Celebrity doctor Sanjay Gupta has withdrawn from consideration for the post of Surgeon General. President Obama apparently hoped that the 39-year old neurosurgeon and CNN commentator would bring "star power" and "recognition" to the Cabinet post, which has gone largely unnoticed since the days of C. Everett Koop (the clownish Joycelyn Elders having been mercifully forgotten).

In keeping with the Administration's themes of Hope(TM), Change(TM), and Historicalness(TM), I nominate Keith Richards for Surgeon General:
  • Historic -- the US has never had a British rock guitarist as Surgeon General. Another barrier would fall. Oprah would weep;
  • Change -- after decades of relentless nagging about what we put in our bodies, we would have a Surgeon General who would (and has) put put anything and everything in his;
  • Hope -- Richards is still alive; he must know something.

Keith Richards for Surgeon General. If not him, who? If not now, when?